Pregnancy Dreams

In the Name of the Most High

Ever since about my 3rd month of pregnancy, I’ve been having really bizarre (at best) and frightening (at worst) dreams.  Some examples include:

1) I didn’t know who the father of my baby was.  Enough said.

2) My husband was pregnant… for the second time.  I asked him what happened to his first child and he told me that he miscarried his first and was REALLY hoping that this second one would make it.

3) My family rushed me during labor so that they could make it to my sister’s soccer game.  I only had 4 hours to give birth and recover, otherwise everyone was going to leave me, including my husband.

4) After I gave birth, everyone was trying to separate me from my baby.  I kept calling out for her, but nobody was listening and they wouldn’t tell me where they put her.

5) I was in labor but I had no contractions.  The baby was stuck inside of me forever.

6) I gave birth, but the baby had not progressed past 10 weeks.

And the list goes on… These dreams have been hard for me to handle.  In them, I always feel a sense of loss, fear, isolation, and tragedy.  The one about my husband being pregnant was slightly amusing, but it was hard for me because I kept thinking that he would love his own child more than he would love mine (incidentally, in the dream, he became pregnant on his own so I had no relation to the child).

I think my subconscious is going a little nuts on me.  I know that my sleep cycle as a pregnant woman changes, and that I spend more time in “active sleep” (i.e., not deep sleep) where dreams occur more frequently.  So it would make sense that I would remember my dreams more vividly than I previously did when I was not pregnant.  And I suppose it’s natural for my fears to play themselves out in dreams.

But, still.  I hate waking up, feeling terrified, and then having to wait a few seconds before I realize that I am safe, secure, and in a loving environment.  A lot of these fears are irrational and it’s strange that they would be buried somewhere in my psyche.  I just can’t believe how affected I am right now.  I’ve never felt like this in my entire life before.  Even getting married wasn’t really a big deal for me… I wasn’t fearful, and I certainly didn’t have any crazy dreams.

I’m so in love with this little baby inside of me who is kicking me and squirming around as I type   I love that she is so active, and I just feel so connected to her.  I talk to her every day and worry about everything and anything related to her.  I feel the burden of responsibility on my shoulders… she is so in need of me, and I need her too.  With every kick, I am reminded that I am a woman, wife, and mother- and all the powerful things that come along with that.  That I am able to carry this baby is a need I’ve had for a very long time.

May God protect her and give me the strength to care for her.

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