Baby Updates

In the Name of the Most High

So, baby Noora is here!  I gave birth to her on November 17.  I had to be induced (with cervadil) because my amniotic fluid was low (but she was fine, alhamdullilah).  My labor was about 24 hours long.  Pushing her out was the best part of the labor… waiting to dilate to 10 centimeters was the worst   Overall, I am satisfied with my birthing experience, though there are a few things I will have to keep in mind for next time insha’Allah.  It’s funny- everyone says that as soon as you see the baby, you forget all about the pain.  Is it terrible that I still remember the pain?  Very vividly?  I guess the fact that I want to do it again with baby #2 (in a few years) means something though.

Noora really is the light of my life.  I had a brief episode of “baby blues” but it was nothing serious and now Noora and I spend the days together.  She mostly still sleeps but she is gradually having more awake time, and I love being awake with her during the days.  I massage her every day and she seems to enjoy that.  So alhamdullilah- things are going very well.

So now on to what is really on my mind.  Last night, we tried to bathe Noora.  It was stupid of us because she was so tired and was not in the mood for a bath.  Plus, she generally hates bath time.  Hates it.  I have to get in there with her and hold her throughout the whole thing.  She screamed and cried inconsolably.  At one point, she was screaming so loudly that she was choking.  We immediately took her out of the bath but by the time we dried her and put her clothes on (so she wouldn’t get cold outside of the bathroom), the damage had been done.  This wasn’t the first time that Noora cried like this.  One time I was driving from the city back home and there was a ton of traffic.  Noora cried so hard, but I was alone in the front seat and there was nothing I could do.

I feel like a terrible mother every time this happens to my poor baby.  Here she is, putting all her trust in me to take care of her and not put her in discomfort, and I do exactly that.  I wonder, does she lose a little bit of her trust in me when this happens?  Does she grow weary of my ability to protect and comfort her?  Maybe this sounds silly to some people, but I am sure it is affecting her somehow.  How could it not?  I was the one who inflicted this pain onto her.  Infants don’t cry just because they are bored.  And even if you are in the school of thought that it’s okay to let babies cry a little, I couldn’t imagine anyone thinking it was okay to let a baby cry until she is choking.  What am I supposed to do to maintain her trust after these crying episodes happen?  I should have known not to take her to the city during rush hour and I should have known not to bathe her while she was exhausted.  Pretty much anyone with half a brain could have figured these things out.

I know I sound pretty melodramatic, but I really believe that babies cry to communicate something to us.  They are unable to communicate otherwise.  And Noora does not even cry very often- when she is hungry or upset, she mostly just whines a little bit and then I figure out what she needs.  When she cries like this, however, she is definitely trying to tell me something.  Maybe she is telling me that she is angry with me and she is losing her trust in me.  Maybe she is telling me that I am not respecting her signals enough.  I don’t know.  I just know that I can’t sleep after nights when she cries like this.

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